Voices Carry (part 2)

I am a pretty positive person.  I’m also ruled by fear far more than I’d like to admit.

These 2 things are not compatible.

I’ve recently discovered that whenever I’m about to embark on something new – especially anything that involves personal risk – I immediately start playing a soundtrack in my head of CYNICAL, JADED, NEGATIVE commentary.

If I’m such a positive person, where does this come from?  Well, it comes from the imaginary dialogue of some very real people in my life. I know a lot of people.  Sadly, not all of them are rose-colored-glass-half-full kinda people.  And for whatever reason, those are the voices I’ve allowed to set up camp in my head.

How sad.  How unfortunate.  How grieving to me that I’ve let it go on this long.

See, I love words.  And I love music.  And in my heart, I think there might be a songwriter in there.  To me, songwriters are the bravest of all people.  To open your heart and your guts for public consumption… well, that’s just strong and beautiful.  And I’ve kept that urge tightly clutched in white-knuckled fists for too many years.

I can actually pinpoint an instance when the pain of hiding it became more important than the fear of letting it out.  I had written some lyrics and left them lying around. A guy I was seeing came over and saw the lyrics, picked them up, read them, and said “That’s dumb.”  Ouch.  It didn’t matter that he was an idiot. (and truly, not to be mean, but he was… and from all accounts, still is) It didn’t matter that it was a rough draft. I just knew I never wanted to feel the sting of someone criticizing something that came from my heart/mind. Ever. Again.

So, I’ve been thinking about this.  Wondering what I can do to free myself from this self-imposed prison.

I think I have an idea.  An exercise, if you will.

I’ve determined that I’m going to have to re-train my brain.  Whenever I get the urge to create – anything – instead of hearing the Soundtrack of the Cynical, I’m instead going to focus on what all of the positive, encouraging people in my life would say.

I’m going to hear people like my family. (I have the best family)  People like Angela Hinson. And Debbie Brown.  And Gina Shaw.  And Allie Darden.  And Lindsey Johnson.  And Wendy Scott.  And Gina Wells Tarver.  And Leslie Tucker.  And Tracy Shea.  And Kris Brown.  And many, many more.

You are the new soundtrack in my head.  Your encouragement will inspire me.  Spur me on.  Give my dreams wings.

It might be slow-going… and I might even fail.  But I’m going to try!  And that’s more than I have been doing for 20+ years.

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8 thoughts on “Voices Carry (part 2)

  1. I am beyond at loss for words!! It is YOU that brings smiles, and is the breath of fresh air!! If I bring you any encouragement, it is only because the scripture in Proverbs is so true. Iron truly sharpens iron! 🙂 Meaning, I feel equally blessed, and encouraged in knowing YOU! I am so thankful to call you friend/sister! You are a treasure, dear friend!!! LOVE YOU OODLES!!!!!!!

  2. LOL, I was like “Oh, no! I don’t know who left that super-sweet comment!” I’m glad you cleared that up!

  3. Bethy, you are the sweetest person ever to include me. I feel we have always had a mutual admiration for each other, which I consider to be one of the biggest compliments of my life. You have always had the heart, soul, humor, kindness, wit, talent and positivity to encourage and touch so many people around you. Don’t let anyone yuck on your yum. Especially YOURSELF. I love you, and anything you need, just ask!!!

  4. MWAH! Love you right back! And ditto to what you said. You know I’m in awe of your talent and zest for life! 🙂

  5. “Better to dare and fail than to live in a gray twilight with neither victory or defeat”. Theodore Roosevelt This is my favorite quote and I have it posted in many places to remind myself that most live in that gray twilight and what a boring place to be! Step out! Jump off! Do it! And I bet you will find the victories will far outweigh the defeats. Proud of you my sis!

  6. Ahhhhh, this is awesome and YOU are awesome my friend. You’re probably one of the bravest women I know! You inspire me! And yes, you are definitely one of my encouragers! Love you so much!

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